The Tot Army

I am a single father of two tiny people and one very tiny person. I have one hobby, one past time, one goal in life; fathering like a mother fucker!

Every morning when we get ready to leave for our respective posts; School, Daycare, and Work I walk out the door with three tiny soldiers marching behind me geared up and ready to conquer the world.


Lieutenant/Lt.P (Little Tiny Person) Is roughly 2 feet tall and doesn’t grow for some reason. She is the youngest soldier enlisted and although she is only 2 she is a total boss. Lt.P will drop her diaper and pee on your stuff to mark her territory all while staring you directly in the eye.

Captain/CPT (Crazy Party Toddler)  is my middle trooper and is just as likely to snuggle up on your lap as he is to burn your house down. He is a charmer of women all ages and known to pick up random ladies anywhere we go. He also loves old people and frequently hugs strangers.

Brigadier General/BG (Bossy Girl) is my second in command and no doubt demands the respect of the other troops….usually by force. She is currently conquering the second grade with extreme proficiency. Beware, she can bring an empire to its knees with her persistent puppy dog eyes.