There are thousands if not millions of algorithms constantly in play as we search the web. Algorithms are how search engines decide what is relevant to our search, how our social media feeds to determine what we will find interesting, they are also how companies collect data on us and deliver personalized ad content.
Is it possible that the same technology currently under scrutiny for tracking and analyzing our internet usage holds the key to protecting our children from inappropriate content?
Much of the content our children consumed is, in fact, promotional content. With the rapid growth of YouTubers such as Hobby Kids TV, Markiplier, and PewDiePie it is no wonder brands are beginning to look at sponsorship. Even if we take major companies out of the mix, these YouTubers themselves are brands and living off of product endorsements.
The included link takes a look at A proposed bill that aims to restrict the amount of promotional material served up to children through the use of algorithms.
I would like to take a moment to talk about one of the most sadistic people alive. Imagine this: once upon a time there was an individual that woke up one morning and said: “shit parenting is too easy, how can I make it harder?”
After several hours of thinking they decided, that keeping the blatant lie of Santa and the Easter Bunny isn’t enough. We need to introduce yet another mystical being to lie to our kids about. However, one day a year isn’t enough. No, instead every time a child loses a tooth this mystical being will come and take the tooth! In fact, kids don’t cost enough so when this tooth being…no, no tooth fairy comes, she will leave a dollar!
Still, this isn’t really that challenging, making sure parents always have a one dollar bill on hand just in case a tooth falls out, sneaking in and leaving the dollar, all too easy. How can I make this more difficult? OH!!! Parents will need to train like ninjas! They will need to leave the tooth under the kid’s pillow! Parents will need to sneak silently into the child’s room after spending the better part of the evening getting them to go to sleep, slowly slide their hand under their child’s head, remove the tooth, and than silently slide the dollar under their child’s pillow. The best part is the kid will be so excited about the tooth fairy coming getting them to fall asleep will be next to impossible anyway!
Basically, this ridiculous practice better suited for Ethan Hunt than an actual parent will require us to be silent stealthy espionage operatives. What pisses me off the most about this individual is they were too fucking lazy to answer the easiest of questions: How does the Tooth Fairy get in? What does the Tooth Fairy do with the teeth?
This is why I have chosen to take a different approach with The Tot Army; we just watch Hellboy II: The Golden Army and they refuse to tell me about the teeth they lose.
Yes, my fellow parents, that amazing time is upon us when we get to give up an entire hour of sleep.
And I want to say thank you to daylight savings, I don’t think any concept has ever been so dedicated to completely fucking our children’s internal clocks up and destroying parents lives quite like you!
So yes for the next two to three weeks our children will wake up too early, not want to go to bed, and be completely miserable, whiney little shits.
I for one cannot wait until March 10th and I am sure none of you can either!
Last week LTP got bit by a baby at daycare. It is important to note LTP is usually on the giving end of these encounters. However, in this particular instance, she was left with a nice bite mark and bruise. For privacy reasons, we will call this baby Jill.
Randomly throughout the weekend she would walk up to me, point to her bite and say “Jill bite me, no no Jill, bad Jill”
Saturday I hear her saying “I’m gonna get you Jill” followed by a light crash. I walk in her room to find her repeatedly placing her doll on the bed, pushing it off the bed and yelling “Imma get you, Jill”
Needless to say, it is about time to start teaching LTP not to take revenge on her friends.
LTP is tint, I mean other than Lieutenant Private LTP does stand for Little Tiny Person. For the most, she has remained snuggly, sweet, cute, and easy to parent. She thrives on a high five so puts her dirty clothes away, cleans up her trash, even throws her own diaper away. When I put her to sleep she lays right down and while she is picky about her blankets being just right for the most part she just closes her eyes and passes out.
This weekend seemed to be the exception to her usual behavior. Saturday night as I got ready to put her to sleep she had a sudden Tot Torrent of energy. It began with her running around the house yelling “karate” which actually sounded more like Ka-ya-tae as she ran around chopping things with her hand. From there she started climbing the couch and jumping from one chair to the next.
Eventually, she did go down to sleep and I thought for sure the worst of it was over. Sunday morning I wake up to the same “karate” call as she attempted to chop her way out of her crib. Most of the day, every time I took my eyes off of her I would find her in my room jumping on the bed as she yelled: “jump on bed, jump on bed.”
As parents, we can plan for a rainy weekend. We can prepare for an outing that we know will be boring for a kid. But being ready for a Tot Torrent is a whole nother story. The only advice I can give is breath in slowly, breath out slower, and hope it passes.