Are Algorithms the Key to Internet Safety?

There are thousands if not millions of algorithms constantly in play as we search the web. Algorithms are how search engines decide what is relevant to our search, how our social media feeds to determine what we will find interesting, they are also how companies collect data on us and deliver personalized ad content.

Is it possible that the same technology currently under scrutiny for tracking and analyzing our internet usage holds the key to protecting our children from inappropriate content?

Much of the content our children consumed is, in fact, promotional content. With the rapid growth of YouTubers such as Hobby Kids TV, Markiplier, and PewDiePie it is no wonder brands are beginning to look at sponsorship. Even if we take major companies out of the mix, these YouTubers themselves are brands and living off of product endorsements.

The included link takes a look at A proposed bill that aims to restrict the amount of promotional material served up to children through the use of algorithms.

Phew, that panic moment all parents have

That pure dread every parent has experienced when they have their tots out in public and suddenly they don’t see them!

We all know that insta-angst, gut tightening feeling. First glance you don’t see them, ok no big deal. But as you continue to search without finding them your gut starts to ache a little.

Today was like any other normal trip to the playground. LtP and Swinging and laughing, the BG and CPT playing nicely together, a rare occurrence.

Upon first glance I can’t see BG and CPT anywhere in site….ok. I start to look around and realizing there aren’t that many kids here I begin to feel a bit panicky.

LtP and I run around frantically and just before we leave the park to check the lake I hear a giggle.

My terror tots had found a nice nook in a spiral slide to hide in.

The tooth-fairy

I would like to take a moment to talk about one of the most sadistic people alive. Imagine this: once upon a time there was an individual that woke up one morning and said: “shit parenting is too easy, how can I make it harder?”

After several hours of thinking they decided, that keeping the blatant lie of Santa and the Easter Bunny isn’t enough. We need to introduce yet another mystical being to lie to our kids about. However, one day a year isn’t enough. No, instead every time a child loses a tooth this mystical being will come and take the tooth! In fact, kids don’t cost enough so when this tooth being…no, no tooth fairy comes, she will leave a dollar!

Still, this isn’t really that challenging, making sure parents always have a one dollar bill on hand just in case a tooth falls out, sneaking in and leaving the dollar, all too easy. How can I make this more difficult? OH!!! Parents will need to train like ninjas! They will need to leave the tooth under the kid’s pillow! Parents will need to sneak silently into the child’s room after spending the better part of the evening getting them to go to sleep, slowly slide their hand under their child’s head, remove the tooth, and than silently slide the dollar under their child’s pillow. The best part is the kid will be so excited about the tooth fairy coming getting them to fall asleep will be next to impossible anyway!

Basically, this ridiculous practice better suited for Ethan Hunt than an actual parent will require us to be silent stealthy espionage operatives. What pisses me off the most about this individual is they were too fucking lazy to answer the easiest of questions: How does the Tooth Fairy get in? What does the Tooth Fairy do with the teeth?

This is why I have chosen to take a different approach with The Tot Army; we just watch Hellboy II: The Golden Army and they refuse to tell me about the teeth they lose.   

Image result for Hellboy 2 tooth fairy

Fuck daylight savings

Yes, my fellow parents, that amazing time is upon us when we get to give up an entire hour of sleep.

And I want to say thank you to daylight savings, I don’t think any concept has ever been so dedicated to completely fucking our children’s internal clocks up and destroying parents lives quite like you!

So yes for the next two to three weeks our children will wake up too early, not want to go to bed, and be completely miserable, whiney little shits.

I for one cannot wait until March 10th and I am sure none of you can either!

The wrath of LTP

Last week LTP got bit by a baby at daycare. It is important to note LTP is usually on the giving end of these encounters. However, in this particular instance, she was left with a nice bite mark and bruise. For privacy reasons, we will call this baby Jill. 

Randomly throughout the weekend she would walk up to me, point to her bite and say “Jill bite me, no no Jill, bad Jill”

Saturday I hear her saying “I’m gonna get you Jill” followed by a light crash.  I walk in her room to find her repeatedly placing her doll on the bed, pushing it off the bed and yelling “Imma get you, Jill”

Needless to say, it is about time to start teaching LTP not to take revenge on her friends.

Army Of Tots Apparel

10% off during the month of February

We are excited to launch our new apparel! $2 from every item sold go directly to charity, this year proceeds will go to Big Brothers Big Sisters of American.

Don’t see the color you want? Let us know and we can add it!


Should you track your kids online activity

If you follow our blog you know the Army of Tots is not restricted from using electronics. But should I be tracking what they do online?