The “Whats on my butt” game

We all reach that point on occasion when we just run out of steam. You have basically Od’ed on caffeine for the day, tried everything you can to wear your tot down but still, they just want to play! I came across this article about the “what’s on my butt” game, your perfect excuse to lay down, close your eyes, and still play with your kid.

 

https://offspring.lifehacker.com/play-this-game-with-your-kids-when-youre-done-parenting-1832158290

Super educational show and fun!

The BG discovered this one on Netflix. She loves it and finds the whole series fascinating.

https://www.npr.org/2019/01/27/688810237/new-netflix-show-brainchild-makes-science-fun-for-kids

Facebook tricked kids

As thought Facebook isnt getting slammed enough for sharing our private messages and video calls to friends and family, court documentation now shows they knowingly tricked our children in to making purchases.

https://www.klfy.com/news/local/facebook-tricked-kids-into-spending-money-on-games-court-documents-show/1729376419

Just how tiny is LTP

For those of you that follow me you know LTP or Lt. Private also stands for Little Tiny Person and is the name of the youngest soldier in The Tot Army. If you are a newer follower you can learn all about the troops here http://armyoftots.com/the-tot-army/

I thought I would give you a little insight into just how tiny LTP really is. The other night I walked into her room while she was sleeping. My heart jumped, I thought she had somehow gotten out of her crib. She did once climb out and use the dog as a landing pad. Upon further investigation I realized the wrinkle in her blanket was in fact her. Crisis avoided I snapped a pic.

The wrong kind of zombie dreams

You are sitting watching tv after putting the kids down for the night. Your 8 year old daughter walks in and tells you she can’t sleep, she is afraid the nightmares will come back.

She tells you she keeps having dreams about zombies attacking the world and coming to our house to kill us.

What do you do?

The BG isn’t one to talk about dreams and she never has nightmares. For the past three nights she has been sleeping poorly and waking up early.

I asked her why the zombies scare her and she told me how ugly they are and how their body parts hang off. I asked her “but isn’t funny when they are trying to be all scary and their eye falls out or jaw falls off?”

She starts to calm down “yeah that is silly”

And baby there are things you don’t know about zombies: first, they aren’t real. Second, we own 5 hand guns, 2 shotguns, 4 rifles, 4 sets of body armor, 3 swords, and 16 knives”

Her eyes get wide and she gets slightly excited “we do?”

“Yes so you are having the wrong kind of dreams about zombies! When they come we will all get armed to the teeth, throw on body armor and have a great time killing them all!”

She snuggled into my arms and gently whispered “thanks daddy” as she passed out and slept solid through the night.

Air fryer chicken wings

If you follow my blog you know about The Tot Army’s obsession with the air fryer, if not go back and check out my post about it http://armyoftots.com/far-from-frivolous-air-fryer/

Recently I started experimenting with hot wings and I have to say the air fryer was made for these things. No hot and dangerous oils, no mess, and you won’t burn your kitchen down.

Ingredients

  • uncooked chicken wings
  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • thyme
  • Franks red sauce
  • your favorite hot sauce
  • worcester sauce

OR 

  • your favorite barbeque sauce

Directions

  • Put your wings in a bag or bowl, throw in salt pepper and thyme and shake
  • Line the inside of the air fryer with olive oil (any oil will work)
  • Cook 30 minutes on 350 turning wings over halfway through (they will be crazy hot)
  • Cook an additional 20 minutes at 400 to get a crunchy outside.
  • (you can reduce cook time but I have found the dryer the better so I cook the shit out of them) 
  • While wings cook add together all the liquid ingredients and mix
  • Toss cooked wings in ziplock or bowl with sauce of choice and shake (if you let it soak in the sauce you will lose the crispy skin)

Dining out with kids

The idea of taking The Tot Army out to eat is absolutely terrifying. If service was perfect and dinner came fast we may make it through. But when the Tots are hungry they are at serious risk of launching an organized attack on the restaurant. For the most part I just avoid dining out altogether. If you are a little braver than I am here are some suggestions for you.

http://www.wtol.com/2019/01/24/family-focus-dining-out-with-kids/

Mismatched socks

The occasional mismatched sock is no big deal and finding a loner or 5 is certainly common for all of us, but how in the hell does one end up with an entire basket of them?

The Tot Army goes through socks like a democrat through other peoples money. Very rarely can I actually find a matching pair of socks. One solution I tried was purchasing grey socks in bulk; they always match and they were cheap. Eventually, the socks still went missing and I still struggled to keep enough socks clean to make it through the week.

So I decided to wash every piece of dirty laundry I could find. I did end up with over 20 pairs of socks ranging in size and color, however, I also ended up with what you see in the picture above. Have you ever seen so many loner socks? Unsure how to handle this massive amount of socks I did what any single father of three would do, I sent them in a bag to my Ex Wife’s house.

If you should happen to find any of my missing socks, please let me know.

Gypsie the pillow humper

Recently The Tot Army acquired a new dog, Gypsie a 2-year-old rescue. Gypsie has no official combat training and after two days in the house, she started to show off her wrestling moves. Now, what do you do when your female dog which has been fixed starts showing your kids how to dominate a pillow?

The explanations your tots give you will probably be very similar to what the troops had to say: The BG is pretty sure she is a wrestler and the pillow is her practice dummy, CPT believes Gypsie has an itch on her belly only the pillow can scratch, and LTP simply yells “my pillow” every time this happens. I can certainly agree with CPT that she does, in fact, have an itch she just cant scratch. Even our older male dog seems very confused by what is happening, he hasnt humped anything in over 10 years.

In the end I decided it is best to let the troops guess at it and come to their own conclusions. I did make it clear to LTP that the pillow is no longer hers.